My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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