I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
