Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
