i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
