If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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