Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
