the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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