Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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