Apparently you make a good broom.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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