how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
