Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
