I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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