Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
