That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
