I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just threw up on my dentist
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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