I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
