this beer tastes like vomit already
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
