Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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