Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
