I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
