So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
