So drunk its hurt
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
