I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
