what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
