Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
