Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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