I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
