Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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