Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
