he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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