where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
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we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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