my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
