Will you blow on my dice?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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