I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
