Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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