I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
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