she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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