nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
