"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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