Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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