i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
