I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
