Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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