And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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