So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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