Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
