I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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