areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
