mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
