There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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