last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
