how can u be prego again
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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