We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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