what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
