i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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