I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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