i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish you could order shots online.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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