I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
