ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
