if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
