This is not my ceiling
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
