just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You ruined the universe
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