i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
