We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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