I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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