he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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