Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
