I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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