So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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