How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
