Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
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I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We smell like vodka and hangover
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