do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
