I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
