wanna go halves on a baby?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
