I faked an abortion last night.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
