i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found puke in my bra..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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