Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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