Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
