Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
