; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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