My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
