Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
