Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Panties = found
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
