man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
