He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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